Post Turkeyday Break

Today was the first day back at school since break. It’s an interesting time because all the greetings refer to the Thanksgiving break at some point. I wasn't looking forward to it very much, mainly because my break was a tough one for me. Nothing bad really happened, nor was time spent with family bad, I enjoyed much of my break. However, there are many aspects of home that are sore spots.

Home is an old wineskin for me. I have trouble adjusting who I have become into the mold that I left as to who I was. I've heard that many college graduates have trouble with this same thing. Home isn't the same anymore, and it’s not because home has changed, but I have. I just feel trapped in a box of the old me.

Materialism is top priority for many people on the eastern seaboard. That’s tough for me to swallow because it’s an obvious way to abuse so many blessings we are given. Emphasis on "given" and not "earned." Families, houses, lives can be in a total wreck, but a little cash seems to be the ultimate equalizer for such situations. Parents try to buy their children’s love and respect. In my life thus far, and especially in my current financial situation, I've learned that love has no price tag.

Finally, the spiritual life of the people, even the church, hits me real deep. My family has membership at a church that pays great attention to attaining great favor in the sight of its members, and that comes at a cost. In fact, among the areas of the church that went over budget this year, Grounds keeping was the item spent most over budget. Why can't our church go over budget on Evangelism, Domestic Missions, or Foreign Missions? Where the church spend its money is NOT the problem, but if what Matthew says in vs21 of Chapter 6 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" has any relevance, I think it speaks volumes.

For these reasons, the break was a tough one for me. I had time to reflect on the past week during the 14 hour drive back to school. The conclusions of my thoughts came to this

Why is it that when things seem so bad, I can never feel ok saying so to people?

Reflecting over the events of the past month, my life has been real crappy. G/F break-up, Struggle finding close friends, thoughts of future mission work, graduation is fast approaching, I need a job, I have no money to pay for trip to Africa in January, where should I live after I graduate?.....

Those are just a handful of the questions that have burdened me every single day I wake up. But I can never let those things keep me down. So beyond just the past week of disappointment, I ask again

Why is it that when things seem so bad, I can never feel ok saying so to people?

I learned this about myself today. Its not that I have a problem admitting my life isn't perfect, but I can't ever take away the value of day from God, just because of the burdens on my little mind. Actually he has already commanded us to give those burdens to Him, every single one of our burdens.

I've come to learn that when everything I have is stripped away-friends, plans, material goods, certainty, reason, and understanding- I left standing on my foundation. All alone, just standing on a big rock. What I see in that foundation are all the promises God has given us. I see Christ saying "when you finally see me, you will no nothing put pure joy." I see God looking at me saying "I have never let you down, why in the world do you think I would this time." Thoughts of all the simple things Jesus taught us to live by are in that foundation.

Every day is a good day, not because good things are happening to me, but because I am made of Christ and his resurrection which I can never take away any credit. With out my savior living within me, there would no longer be any good days or bad days.

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,"1 Peter 1:8

Thanks for reading my ramble